The Importance of Marking Endings

As Judge Judy loved to tell litigants in her courtroom, “Put a period on it!”
In other words: move on already.

Her advice was often directed at former romantic partners locked in an acrimonious dispute (perhaps over an alleged loan to fix up a motorcycle). I always felt a little sympathy for the plaintiff. Moving on is rarely as simple as putting a period at the end of a sentence.

It’s not easy to move on from a relationship—romantic or platonic. Or from a job loss. Or a move to another state. Endings are happening all the time, both big and small. They can be devastating, like the loss of a loved one. Or bittersweet, like sending a child off to college 3,000 miles away.

Even positive transitions contain endings. A long-anticipated move for a dream job in Paris. Retiring after a successful career. A promotion that changes how you are, how others see you, and how you see yourself. When something new feels exciting, we often get swept up in imagining what comes next.

And in doing so, we may skip one crucial step in the transition: the ending itself.

To truly “put a period on it,” we have to come to terms with the loss of something familiar. Depending on the situation, we may experience a wide range of emotions—sometimes all at once: denial, fear, sadness, shame, guilt, anger, loneliness, resentment, and also excitement, confidence, and determination.

Endings often require us to let go not only of a role, relationship, or routine, but of who we once were in relation to it.

One of the most important things we can do when something is coming to an end is simply to pause and acknowledge that something has changed. To name what we’re feeling without judgment. To allow the experience to be insightful.

Here are a few practices I’ve found helpful when navigating endings:

Acknowledge and name your emotions
Our emotions, especially during endings, can be complex but also temporary and fleeting. Notice what you’re feeling without becoming it. Try reframing your self-talk from “I am sad” to “I notice I feel sad.” We are not our emotions.

Pay attention to your self-talk
Notice the stories you’re telling yourself about what the ending means—and gently question them.

Ritualize the ending in a  meaningful way
This might include journaling, writing an affirming letter to your future self, or creating a small personal ritual that honors what has come to a close.

Explore the question: “Who will I be (and want to be now) that this has ended?”

The inner work of endings is ultimately ours to do, but we don’t have to do it alone. Surrounding ourselves with a supportive community can make it easier to move forward.

Endings are a necessary part of all transitions. They deserve our intentional attention before we rush to what’s next.

What is one ending in your life right now that needs to be acknowledged?